go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You're a waste of cheezeits
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
