It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
