super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
