When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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