actually, I'm a sock model
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
