new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
