I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
