i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
