so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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