I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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