Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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