Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I AM VODKA MAN
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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