my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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