im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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