I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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