So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
