hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
