do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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