Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
