she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
