Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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