i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
