He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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