If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
