I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
