I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
