So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
