the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
