so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
