I think my fart just growled at me.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My balls are so social today.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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