i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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