He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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