Midget sex pt 2 tonight
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
