He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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