I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
