Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
