We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
