I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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