Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
