The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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