i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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