I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize