Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
