theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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