The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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