Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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