I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
