I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize