A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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