I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
