Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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