this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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