When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
