all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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