She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
