So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
