shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
