Soap is not a condiment
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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