i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
