She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
