well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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