Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
