Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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