I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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