Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
